New Yorker Article

Florida’s Kindergartners Offer to Explain Mask Issue to DeSantis

By Andy Borowitz

August 20, 2021


TALLAHASSEE (The Borowitz Report)—A group of Florida’s kindergartners has offered to explain the science underpinning the use of masks to the state’s governor, Ron DeSantis.

Calling DeSantis’s objection to mask mandates “clearly an example of ignorance on his part,” one of the kindergartners, Jayson Dorrinson, said that his fellow five-year-olds were willing to talk to the Governor at his earliest convenience.

“The benefit of wearing masks is so clear, it’s obvious to us that no one has explained this issue properly to Mr. DeSantis,” the kindergartner said. “We’re happy to play that role.”

Dorrinson said that he was “not concerned” that being told the facts about masks might enrage DeSantis, who has been on a short fuse in recent weeks.

“We sincerely hope that he doesn’t get mad,” the five-year-old said. “But, if he does, we’ll just give him a timeout.”